3. Marriage Arrangements inn Malankara Tradition

In the Malankara tradition the marriage decisions are not the matter of individuals. Individuals do not execute them. It is not something two individuals do because they decided to do it. Marriage is not between two individuals. It is a community event. It is not giving and taking, but merging. It is a marriage between two families. In this respect the concept of marriage is totally in divergence with the modern view of marriage. Though the involvement of the persons - the man and the woman - are of great importance, it is not to be confused with the two families concerned and of the church and the community in which the church functions. All these factors are neglected in the modern marriage.

In the traditional procedure of marriage those who know these families bring the proposal to the two families. The first step in the process is the scrutiny of the families by the other to find compatibility in terms of family status, financial status and religious beliefs. All these are factors that contributes to healthy family relations. Every factor has its own weightage and the families will have to make their choices. The next step is the consent of the man and the woman. It is normally assumed that love before marriage is forbidden. However a scrutiny of history will show otherwise. As a rule love within the marriage cannot be substituted for love before marriage. They are two aspects. Men and women at all ages fell in love and then got married. The story of Rachel and Jacob;; Ruth and Naomi are two such wonderful examples. In the Malankara churches history we have the love marriage of Mariam and the Prince of Villar Vattom Pana (of Krangaloor around 400 AD) and their marriage which led to their marriage and Villar Vattom Kingdom became the power source of Christendom in Kerala ,during the coming centuries. On the other hand we have the story of Isaac and Rebecca which is considered as the ideal marriage and is often referred to as the symbol of the marriage of the Church and Christ. Here the trustee brought in the bride. Isaac had never seen his bride until his day of marriage. For that reason the church has not given any preferred way of finding the wife. Whatever be the process marriage is not between two people because they are of age. It is much more than that. It is not a question of consenting people of over 18. It is much more than that.

The consent of the two individuals are important and is given due attention in the church. As soon as the bride and the groom enter the church in that order the first thing they do is to sign the consent. This is to avoid any foul play or cheating. Remember Jacob was cheated by Laban. The official marriage settlement is between the two families in the presence of the representatives of the Church. This is followed by two to three announcements in the churches concerned to verify the status of the two individuals to see whether there are any impediments to this marriage. Unless the bride and the groom sign their agreement at the begining of the ceremony, the ceremony will not take place. Notwithstanding anything said or done, theirs is the final word.